Coffee is my drug. No, it really is. My addiction started while at uni in America, happily buying Dunkin’ Donuts coffee around the corner from my apartment. With sugary creamed milk. I go to great lengths. Right now, I’m obsessed with my 7- Eleven $3 latte special. They say my lattes are more milkshake than coffee. With a twist of sweetener. I don’t give a hoot. The sugar hit it makes me a nicer person to be around.
Speaking of which…
What is it about the coffee culture that us Melbournians are addicted to? What is it about a take- away that makes me want to fly across the universe on an absolute high singing Disney songs?
I think it’s something in the beans. That’s it. The BEANS….
So, it made me think. What if…we could create coffee beans to help control our daily lives? What would they be called? In fact, what if there were coffee beans that could make people easier to deal with in the.. erm…workplace?
I think they’d be called something like this:
1. Mizzy Beans: Perfect for the miserable co- workers in your life who never smile and incessantly whinge about their sad, unfulfilled lives. Sure, there is a dash of weed thrown in to give them a jolt of perma – grin, but who’s counting?
2. The Cray – Cray – Why – Don’t – You – Just – Fly – Away? Beans: She’s judgemental of everything you do, and always has a one – upmanship on you, from the way you dress to the shade of your lipstick. A cup of cray will send her away… to the nearest TOILET she will stay.
3.The Stage – Five Stalker-Cino Beans: He slides into your DMs. She ‘likes’ every Snapchat post. And they never, ever understand that Linkedin is not a corporate dating site. One jolt of these jobbies in their grinder, and they’ll run away from you in no time. Sure, they might be touching the entrance wall like its the most beautiful thing in the world, and think that you are now a kaleidoscopic alien out to take over their lives, but at least they’ll be trying to catch butterflies instead of you.
Walt Disney here I come!
